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PostSubject: joke   Sun Sep 28, 2008 2:49 am

Q. can you please tell me - how long chicken should last in the frezzer?





A. just tha i put one in the frezzer last night and it was dead this morning... ha.ha lol! lol!
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PostSubject: JOKE   Sun May 10, 2009 7:16 am

na it wasent good


this one is better i hope :


CIA had a job vacancy assassin. After all the background check, interviews and tests, in which three people were detained. Two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We need to know if you follow your instructions, regardless of circumstances." "Inside the room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her." The man said "No kidding, I could never shoot my wife" Then the agent said, "Then you are not the right man for the job. The second man was given the same instructions. He took a gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes, then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but can not kill my wife." Then the agent said "You do not have what it takes, you go home with your wife. "Finally, it was the woman's turn. She received the same instructions, to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after the other, they heard screams, slammer, hits against the walls. After a few minutes , became increasingly quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She dried sweat from his forehead and said ... "The gun is loaded with blank rounds, I had to kill him with the chair"
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Jordyownz
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 21, 2009 1:34 am

lol! that one is good ^

Q:What's the different between a girl taking a bath, and a nun?
A: A nun has hope in her soul, and the girl has soap in her hole.

Q: What's the main difference between intelligence and ignorance?
A: I don't know and I don't care!

Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A: One, but you must slice him really thin.
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 21, 2009 2:21 am

hehe hahah^^
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Sun May 24, 2009 2:30 pm

why its not easy being a dick


you have one eye you can not see with. A head you can not think with. You hang out with a couple of nuts.your closest neighbor is an asshole and your best friend is a pussy.
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Sun May 24, 2009 2:33 pm

Professions


Three guys and a lady were sitting at the bar talking about their professions.

The first guy says " I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know... Young, Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist."

The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know... Double Income, No Kids."

The third guy says, " I'm a R.U.B, you know... Rich, Urban, Biker."

They turn to the woman and ask her, " What are you? "

She replies: " I'm a WIFE, you know...
Wash, Iron, f***, Etc."
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Wed May 27, 2009 3:43 am

when a nigger walk in the dark you dont see him
you only see his teeth/ what makes a nigger anger: shit for his door and
says his soon is smolten
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Wed May 27, 2009 8:37 am

LOL
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Wed May 27, 2009 9:29 am

Ive also still a joke......:
Man1:My WIN95 is in 6 months, never crashed ...
Man2:Half a year without electricity, this is hard! Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 1:27 am

The Taco Bell Chihuahua, a Doberman and a Bulldog are in a bar having adrink when a great-looking female Collie comes up to them and says, "Whoever can say liver and cheese in a sentence can have me."

So the Doberman says, "I love liver and cheese." The Collie replies, "That's not good enough."

The Bulldog says, "I hate liver and cheese." She says, "That's not creative enough."

Finally, the Chihuahua says, "Liver alone . . . cheese mine



XD
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 1:28 am

i dont get it :S
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 1:30 pm

I know no more jokes sorry
Very Happy[b]
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 2:10 pm

50 things to do at walmart
1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten-minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Don't bother doing your own shopping. Simply find someone with a full trolley containing roughly the items you need, and when they are not looking take it and go pay for it at the checkout. (this is not stealing, they did not own the items yet, they were simply 'moving them around')

5. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

6. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift-wrap.

7. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

8. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit, then arrange them into erotic poses. (be creative with the gift-wrap tubes used in point 6).

9. When there are people behind you, walk really slowly, especially in thin aisles.

10. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.

11. Turn all the radios to polka stations; then turn them off and turn the volume up to full blast.

12. Re-enact a fatal incident involving the automatic doors.

13. Walk up to complete strangers and say, "Hi. I haven't seen you in so long." etc. See if they play along. Insist on calling them 'Bob', and if they protest, get angry about it (violent if necessary).

14. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who buys this crap anyway?!"

15. When you leave the store, try your car keys in the door of every car in the car park until you get to your own. Then drive off as if this is perfectly normal. (Note- if you don't actually own a car and walked to the store, attempt the above by substituting car keys with your house keys).

16. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you are taking it for a test drive.

17. Follow people through the aisles, staying about 5 feet behind them. Do this until they leave the store.

18. Ask if you can test some super-glue before buying it, then walk around the store gluing random items to other items/customers/staff. For added fun: See how many cashiers you can glue to each-other before any of them notice.

19. As the cashier runs your purchase over the scanner say "BEEP" in a loud voice. Repeat this for every item, and for other customers items. If the cashier protests, kill them.

20. Take off your shoes and tell them you want to return it and when they say you didn't buy it there say "The customer is always right dammit!!" Make a scene.

21. Move "Caution : Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

22. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you will only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

23. Test the fishing rods and see what you can catch from other aisles.

24. Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.

25. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "I'm Batman. Come Robin, to the Batcave."

26. Climb things.

27. Randomly throw things over into neighboring aisles.

28. Play with the calculators so that they all spell "hello" upside down. Once you have mastered this, progress to "boobs".

29. When someone asks you if you need help, begin to cry and say, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"

30. When 2 or 3 people are walking ahead of you, run between them yelling "Red Rover."

31. Make up nonsense products and ask employees if there are any in stock. (i.e.: Shnerples). Do a vague hand-mime of what a 'Shnerple' looks like to assist them.

32. Take up an entire aisle in toys by setting up a full-scale battle with G.I. Joe vs. X-men.

33. Take bets on the battle from above.

34. Test the brushes and combs in Cosmetics on all the live animals in Pet-Care.

35. While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk where the anti-depressants are. Act as spastic as possible.

36. Hold indoor shopping cart races.

37. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from Mission Impossible.

38. Attempt to fit into very large gym bags.

39. Attempt to fit others into very large gym bags against their will.

40. Say things like, "Would you be so kind as to direct me to your Twinkies."

41. Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.

42. Two words: Marco Polo.

43. Leave Cheerios in lawn and garden, pillows in the pet section, etc.

44. "Re-alphabetize" the CD's using an alternative alphabet of your choosing.

45. In the auto department, practice your Madonna look with various funnels.

46. When someone steps away from his or her cart to look at something, quickly place random combinations of items in their cart, such as 'A Large Cucumber and a Tub of Vasceline'.

47. Relax in the patio furniture drinking beer until you get kicked out.

48. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, drop to your knees and scream, "No, no, its those voices again."

49. Pay off layaways 50 cents at a time.

50. Drag a lounge chair over to the magazines and relax. Go to the food court, buy a drink, and explain that you don't get out much and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 2:41 pm

man thats is a f..ck long joke got no time to read him XD
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 2:44 pm

you have to read it its so awesome shame we dont have wallmart here in the netherlands ! XD
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PostSubject: Bill Gates   Thu May 28, 2009 3:05 pm

Bill Gates picks his own punishment
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever.

Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of the finest wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."

"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill.

As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer. "That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"

"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan.

"The bottle has a hole in it!"

"What about the PC?"

"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan.

"And it's missing three keys,"

"Which three?"

"Control, Alt and Delete."

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PostSubject: The top ten reasons   Thu May 28, 2009 3:06 pm

The top ten reasons why the television is better than the World Wide Web
10. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.

9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?

8. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV--even on MTV.

7. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.

6. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.

5. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.

4. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.

3. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.

2. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.

1. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu May 28, 2009 3:09 pm

The one from bill gates is awesome the otherone i dont like really much
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Sat May 30, 2009 7:35 am

lol! hahaehe XD
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Sat May 30, 2009 11:54 am

lucifer and satan are he same person but its funny
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Sun May 31, 2009 4:30 am

nah it's too long to read man i'll need all day lol sorry mate
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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu Jun 25, 2009 9:55 am

Q: What Do You Call a group of black people??










A: Antique Farm Equipment!!!!




XD!
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PostSubject: Ha HAA Not   Thu Jun 25, 2009 10:39 am

Not funny

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PostSubject: Re: joke   Thu Jun 25, 2009 7:35 pm

You dont think its funny its hilarious even black kids laugh at it NO JOKE!!!! Very Happy XD!!!!!
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